Save and Solve Your Marriage

Three Simple Strategies for Rekindling the Romance in Your Relationship

2009-05-12T23:48:00.000-07:00

These days it seems that we are busier than ever. We seem to be in a constant state of motion, always racing off to work, or zipping out to run errands, or to take the kids to their various activities.

Inevitably, something is bound to get lost in the shuffle of all this non-stop running around-and that something is often your relationship with your significant other.

This can happen for a variety of reasons. For example, we sometimes fall into the unfortunate habit of taking our partners (and the love they give us) for granted. We assume that they will just "always be there for us," whenever we need them, so we begin to neglect the relationship, rather than nurturing it and doing all that we can to help it continue to thrive and grow.

Once we start taking our intimate relationship for granted, though, the romance is often first thing to go.

If your life has become overly hectic and stressful, and if you think that the health of your relationship with your partner may be suffering as a result, please consider trying some-or perhaps even all-of the strategies described below to reinvigorate your romantic life.

1. Physically demonstrate your love for each other on a daily basis.

Some couples who have been together for a long time tend not to hold, caress, massage, kiss, or cuddle as often as they once did. (Remember, not all touching between romantic partners needs to be regarded as foreplay, though of course, sometimes that's exactly what it is).

Think back for a moment to all the sweet, tender ways you demonstrated your love for each other during your dating days. Now try to reincorporate all those small but meaningful gestures back into your relationship.

A little letter or poem in your own handwriting is a powerful way to rekindle the sparks.
We tend to forget that as human beings, we require quite a bit of tactile attention, particularly from our romantic partners. Just think, each time you lay eyes on one another, you have a fresh opportunity to show your love.

Even if you are both about to run off in opposite directions, there is always time for a quick kiss or a brief cuddle -- especially at the beginning and end of each day.

So, be sure to give your partner a nice shoulder rub, or a foot massage, or a back scratching session, for no particular reason (other than the fact that it will make them feel good).

And instead of sitting in separate chairs while you watch your next movie on television, sit together on the couch, so that you can cuddle, and perhaps even steal a little kiss every now and then.

These small but tender gestures take very little time or effort, and yet they can make each of you feel warm, happy and cherished for hours afterward. They also have a cumulative effect, in the sense that each little kiss and caress builds on top of the one that came before it to continually fortify and deepen your relationship.

2. Write your sweetheart a love letter.

Perhaps you wrote dozens of love letters and love poems to your significant other years ago, when you first got together. Or maybe you have never really been in the habit of expressing your love for your partner in writing.

Either way, now is a great time to start! And in this case I'm not talking about a quick e-mail, dashed off in five minutes, or a little post-it note stuck to the fridge that says, "I love you. Remember to take out the trash later."

Go to the store for some nice stationary, come home, sit down at your desk, and before you even put pen to paper, give yourself an adequate amount of time to think about exactly what it is that you love about your partner and why. Then, just like you did back in school, write a little outline of everything you'd like to include so that you don't forget anything. And once you've completed your brief outline, start working on a rough draft.

The reason I advise you to write your love letter in long hand (rather than typing it on the computer, as you may be tempted to do) is that writing in longhand is a much more intimate, sensual experience.

When you are forming the curve of each letter with your own hand, you tend to feel more connected to the writing experience, which puts you in exactly the right frame of mind to write a heartfelt, meaningful letter to the person you love with all your heart.

Allow yourself to stroll back down memory lane, and then pour those memories (and your feelings about all of those memories) into your first draft. Once you have completed your rough draft, it's time to transfer it to your nice stationary.

Nothing can communicate just how much you care quite as well as a tender, thoughtfully crafted, hand-written love letter.

You may want to give your partner the letter on a special occasion like Valentine's Day, or on your wedding anniversary, or you can just give it whenever the mood strikes, because no matter when you give your partner a gift this personal and intimate, it is sure to be deeply appreciated.

3. Take good care of yourself.

One of the biggest reasons we tend to neglect our intimate relationships with our partners has to do with a lack of self-care.

When you are constantly taking care of others, you may not be taking adequate (or even minimal) care of yourself. After all, there are only so many hours in the day, and it seems that nearly all of those hours are booked up with some activity or other, which means that you have to make a deliberate effort to carve out some precious time for yourself.

Self care means different things to different people.

Some people feel deeply rejuvenated after a long walk in the woods, while others prefer to go to the spa for a facial or pedicure. You may be partial to meditating for a half hour each evening, while your partner may find it more relaxing to go for a run, or to escape into a fast-paced mystery novel. When we take proper care of ourselves, what we are actually doing is recharging our batteries, which in turn makes us feel better equipped to take care of others.

No matter which method(s) of self care you choose, the important thing is to actually follow through with it. After all, the more you take care of yourself, the more rejuvenated you will feel throughout the day, and the more you will have to give, not only to your relationship with your significant other, but also to your relationships with all of your loved ones and friends.

Relationships: Conflict Resolution Without Words

2009-05-12T23:43:00.000-07:00

In the last few decades, partners have spent countless hours trying to “work out problems.” Yet over and over again they often come up against a major roadblock: they just don’t see things the same way. No matter how long they talk and how hard they try, neither ends up feeling really heard and understood.

While there are some couples that just naturally see things the same way, most people have a really hard time seeing things through the other person’s eyes. What often happens when they “communicate” is that each person tries to get the other person to see things his or her way. Instead of solving the problem, each is trying to have control over how the other person sees things. This often leads to more conflict and frustration.

While I am not suggesting that couples stop communicating over problems and issues, I am offering an additional way of resolving conflict: taking loving action in your own behalf.

This form of conflict resolution is about action rather than talk. Following are some of the actions you can take that may make a world of difference in your relationship.

LOVING ACTIONS

1. Choose to be compassionate toward yourself and your partner rather than choosing to judge yourself or your partner.

Judging yourself and your partner will always lead to more conflict. Choosing to compassionately care about yourself and your partner can totally change the energy between you, even without words. If you believe that you or your partner are bad or wrong for your feelings, behavior, or point of view, then you will not be able to let go of judgment. You will move toward compassion when you understand and accept that each of you has very good reasons for your feelings, behavior, and point of view. Try compassionately accepting yourself and your partner and see what happens!

2. Choose to practice self-discipline in terms of saying nothing rather than behaving in an inflammatory way toward your partner.

Practice zipping up your mouth! Practice letting go of having to be right! Practice walking away from a conflicted or heated situation, rather than jumping into the fray in the hopes of winning. If you look back, you will see that no one wins when both people are trying to control with anger, blame, explanations, debating, defending, lectures, or compliance. However, if you choose to walk away, walk away with love and compassion – intent on taking loving care of yourself rather than punishing your partner. Walking away in anger is just another way to control.

3. Choose to accept that you have no control over your partner’s feelings and behavior, but that you have total control over your own actions.

It is much easier to let go of trying to control your partner when you move into acceptance regarding who your partner is. Trying to change your partner is a total waste of energy. Changing yourself moves you into personal power.

4. Choose to take loving care of yourself in the face of the other person’s choices.

You will find yourself wanting to talk about problems when you see yourself as a victim of your partner’s choices. However, when you accept your partner for who he or she is and accept your lack of control over your partner, you can then see your way clear toward taking loving action in your own behalf. Asking the question, “What is the loving action toward myself right now?” will lead to ideas of how to take loving care of your self. Asking, “If I were an enlightened being, how would I be acting right now?” will open the door to creative ways of taking loving care of yourself.

Loving actions are actions that support your own highest good without harming your partner. For example, if you are tired of often being frustrated and rushed because your partner is generally late leaving for an event, you might decide to take your own car each time your partner is not ready on time. While your partner might not like your choice, your action is not harmful to him or her. It is an action that stops the power struggle and takes care of your self.

Letting go of trying to change your partner and taking loving action for your self are the keys to conflict resolution without words.

How to Have a Happy Marriage

2009-05-12T23:37:00.000-07:00

1. It starts with you

The happier you are with yourself and your life, the more attractive you are to your partner. Another way to look at this is: if you were someone else, would you marry you? Start today to work on being the kind of person you
would want to know, date, and marry. If you're not that kind of person, how can you expect your spouse to stay attracted or stay passionate?

2. There's you, there's him/her, and then there's we.

You don't have to give up your identity or be known as your spouse's partner.

It also doesn't work when two people each do their own thing without regard to their partner's wishes and feelings. Marriage is, and should be, more than cohabitation. As the marriage vows state, "two shall be as one". That "one" is neither you nor him. The "one" is a third entity: the relationship, the marriage, the "we".

The "we" is what you share, what you have in common, the nurturing that cannot be provided on your own. Think companionship, intimacy, and sharing.

3. Leave behind your emotional baggage

Are you really over your previous relationship? If not, you can't fully commit to your spouse. Likewise, if you are still Daddy's little girl or Mommy's boy, you are not in control of your own life. Therefore, you cannot fully enter into an adult relationship of mutual sharing and support. You can't be accountable to your spouse if you have to keep pleasing Mommy or Daddy.

4. Your marriage comes first

Marriage is the strongest bond between two people. Parents are here and one day they are gone. Children grow into adults and leave to start their own lives. Your spouse is only person who is meant to stay with you the rest of your time on this planet.

Women who say their children come first are usually unable to let their children grow up and become independent adults. Instead of a mature adult-adult relationship, the roles are forever adult-child. So the children never emotionally leave home and are forever dependent on the parent.

These women are always surprised when their mates get tired of being number two, and decide to leave for someone else who WILL put them first.

5. Your marriage is your top priority.

You didn't get married to commute two hours a day, work at the office 60 hours a week, and pay on a mortgage for 30 years. You probably got married to share your life, your hopes, your dreams-not your bills-with that special someone. During life's ups and especially during life's downs, keep in mind why you married in the first place. Not jobs, nor cars, nor your favorite sports team. At one time, your partner was the most important thing in this world to you. Act like it today and every day.

6. Don't compare

This holds true in your life as well as in your marriage. There will always be a couple that seems happier, wealthier, sexier, and more perfect than you two are. So what? Their happiness doesn't increase or diminish your happiness. Neither does their money, their jobs, their house, or their glamour. All that matters is whether you and your spouse have created a relationship that works for you.

7. Don't wonder "what if?"

Wondering what it would be like to be with another person-for a night or for a lifetime-is self-delusion and is really unfair to your spouse. You see other people socially when they are at their best. You see your spouse when he/she is at his best, her average, and sometimes at her worst. If you could swap mates, guess what? You'd see that person at his/her worst, and you probably wouldn't like what you see.

8. Realize that love can grow.

As much as you were in love when you got married, your love and commitment to each other can grow over the years. Marriage can get better, not worse, with time. The longer you've been married, the more history you have together.The triumphs and disappointments, the successes and the failures, all are part of sharing a life together. And that history is unique to you. No one else has that or can duplicate it. This is why a man who leaves his middle aged wife for a younger woman eventually wants to come back. With his wife he has a history-a shared past. With the new woman there is only the present.

9. Commitment means no matter what.

It's as simple as making the decision to be totally committed to your spouse and to the relationship. No matter what happens financially, or health wise, or otherwise. No matter what. Once the two of you have decided to stay "no matter what", there is no question of stay or go, yes or no. Now the emphasis is on problem solving. Write this down: all couples have problems. Happy couples learn to deal with their problems. Unhappy couples eventually just run away.

10. Believe that a happy marriage is not only possible, it's yours for the making.

It won't happen by itself. It takes intention, commitment, and practice. But the couples who have happy, blissful, and satisfying marriages are proof that it is possible. Just choose to be happy, and choose to be happily married.

How to have a Good Marriage?

2009-05-12T23:30:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wonder what constitute a Good Marriage? A perfect and good marriage actually starts even before the marriage itself. There are two parts to the actual process and if you do it right, you can be sure that you are on your way to a good marriage. We believe that every marriage should be blessed with happiness and in order to seek for the good and perfect marriage, you play a very important role in making it happen. Below are some of the advice you can use.

Pre Marriage Advice

1) Before making the decision to propose to your sweetheart, make sure that you have truly wanted to commit yourself to the marriage. There will be no point of return once you have decide to commit to a marriage and you are responsible for your future happiness in your marriage.

2) The next step is to find the right moment to propose to your sweetheart and no other book is better than The Guide to Popping the Question in coming up with all the brilliant marriage proposal ideas and plan. And of course don't forget the diamond ring that you will be using during the marriage proposal.

3) If you are successful on making the marriage proposal, you need to have a good planning on your wedding. There are so many things to plan in a wedding. For example you need to organize the date, venue, wedding photos and the wedding reception. We personally find that the Master Planning Wedding Guide is one of the best guide in helping you to plan for your wedding or marriage.

3) After all the excitement of planning for the wedding, now you need a great speech at your wedding reception. I personally found that All type of Wedding Speeches for You are one of the best resources in preparing you for your wedding speech.

4) Plan for a honeymoon gateway immediately after the wedding. Make sure that both of you agreed to the places to visit and it does not necessary have to be an expensive gateway. What is more important is that both of you enjoy the honeymoon and this will set pace for a wonderful beginning to your life together as a husband and wife team. Check out Hotwire, it offers some great and cheap travel packages which is ideal for your honeymoon.

Do all the above and I am sure that you will be on the right track to that good marriage that you have been dreaming of.

Post Marriage Advice

1) Never fail to set a standard as a newlywed couple. Marriage couple must have high tolerance, respect and accept each other regardless what situation. The most successful couples are those who are able to adapt to each other's behavior from the very beginning of their marriage.

2) Learn to focus on the bright side of the marriage. Instead of focusing on each other's shortcoming, a couple must learn to see the good point of their partner and learn to appreciate them more. Make deposit on the emotional account by loving your partner unconditionally in your marriage.

3) Share everything that comes along in the marriage regardless of good or bad time. Learn to work and behave as a team but at the same time respect your partner's boundary in your marriage.

4) Avoid argument at all cost throughout your marriage but if you cannot avoid one, learn to diffuse any argument by using the soft approach and avoid using harsh remark. Learn to repair an argument before it gets out of control. If you need to voice up your disagreement, discuss it with your partner peacefully.

5) If you think that your marriage is having a problem, seek help and marriage advice early. Do not wait until things are out of control and un-repairable. Most couple whom seeks help or advice early has more chances of recovery than those who wait until it is out of reach in their marriage.

Where to seek advice on marriage problems?

i) Family members and best friends are among the first line of assistance you can get when it comes to getting marriage advices. Close family member or close friend sometimes can see clearer than both of you when it comes to a marriage problem and give proper advice. However you can only take advices from any third party and act accordingly for the best interest of your marriage.

ii) If your marriage problem is at its beginning stage, self-help book can be very useful in trashing out any marriage related problem once and for all. Using self-help book however require its readers to practice self discipline and patience in applying the techniques listed in the books. We found that Save My Marriage Today are a very useful marriage advice guide in identifying marriage problems. The solutions provided in the are easy to understand and practical.

iii) If your marriage problems are beyond the help of any book, you should consider seeking professional assistance such as marriage counselor. There are a number of marriage counselors available to help its client. Select them base on their experiences, year of services and their expertise in the field.

6) Apart from managing all the above, both you and your partner need to explore and experience better sexual relationship in your marriage. Marriage is about sharing satisfying sexual pleasure with your partner. A marriage life will not be healthy if either a partner is deprived of his/her sexual needs. Therefore you must be able to satisfy your partner's sexual need and at the same time fulfilling you own needs. We found that 500 Lovemaking Tips & Secrets has all the ingredient in guiding married couples to have better sex. Find out more on how you can have a better sex life here in your marriage.

What is marital status?

2009-05-12T23:14:00.000-07:00

Marital status refers to the lawful recognition of the relationship or agreement between a man and a woman, to be husband and wife.

Some of the common marital statuses are single, married, separated, divorced, widowed and annulled.

Along with the legal marital status of being married, the husband and wife acquire rights and obligations to their respective spouses. The rights and obligations begin when the couple is married and may continue, to a certain extent, even after the termination of the marriage.

Marital status is one of the basic issues involved in a lawsuit for divorce (marital dissolution) or annulment (nullity). At the end of a marital dissolution or nullity proceeding, the legal status of husband and wife is terminated and the spouses are returned to the legal status of being unmarried or single persons.

Marital status is automatically terminated upon the death of one spouse; the survivor becomes an unmarried person once again.